Tips to handle negative intrusive thoughts

get out of my head

Are you sometimes haunted by negative thoughts or images that pop up in your mind and you can't get rid of them? No matter how hard you try, they are like gum on a shoe that won't come off. And the more you try to get rid of them, the more they demand your attention. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, involuntary thoughts that are usually intrusive or of a disturbing nature. "I'm totally incompetent", "my boyfriend is definitely cheating on me", "that's not fair!". "What if I'm not one hundred percent honest?", "I'm fat", "What if I've made a mistake?". "Nobody likes me". "They're gossiping about me", “What if I have cancer?” etc. Sound familiar?

The mind constantly amplifies and overestimates or exaggerates everything that is happening in a given situation. Intrusive thoughts can be frightening, exhausting and overwhelming, and bring stress, fear, shame and hopelessness into our lives. Unfortunately, we can't choose our thoughts, if we could, we'd all just have "pink pleasant thoughts" and be happy all the time. We don't control our thoughts, they come to us spontaneously like clouds in the sky, however it is in our hands whether we take the thought and develop it further into a paragraph, a chapter or sometimes even a whole novel!

For example, you will receive an email that your department is going to be restructured and one of your team members will be appointed as a supervisor. Your first thought could be "This could be the perfect job for me", followed by the next thought "I'm not going to get promoted anyway, I'm not up to it", I'm either too young or too old, uneducated or too educated, inexperienced, not political enough, and so on. Instead of approaching the matter rationally, without a personal story flavoured with many limiting beliefs, you start making assumptions about why you won't get promoted.

I want to stop this thinking

These "sticky thoughts" haunt you at work, at home, and even in your sleep, always returning to you like a hungry wolf clamouring for the energy you give it in the form of your attention.

Here are some tips to handle negative intrusive thoughts.

1. Increase your awareness of allowing yourself to be drawn into intrusive thoughts.

The fact is that the more developed our story is, the harder it is to get out of it. That's why it's much easier to stop it at the beginning.One effective tool is what I call becoming a policeman of your own thoughts with zero tolerance.

When a thought arises, ask yourself:

• Will this thought help me solve the problem?

• Will it get me closer to my desired outcome?

If the answer is YES, follow it, in our case the thought "My resume is crap" may appear. Take a look at your diary and schedule a specific time to update your resume. For example, on a Monday from 9.00am to 11.00am and then drop it! There's no need to overthink things too much at this point.

2. Let it go!

If the answer to the above questions is "NO, developing this idea won't get me any closer to a solution", then drop the thought immediately, don't engage with it, and don't get sucked into the story. Don't fight the thought or resist it, but rather than pay attention to it, gently redirect your attention to the present moment. Negative intrusive thoughts trigger emotions such as worry, fear, or judgment; these emotions are each a byproduct of thinking about the future or analysing the past.

If this is difficult at first, try these techniques:

• Focus your attention on for example noise on the street, an object on the table, or a smell in the room.

• Sing a song. Did you know that our brains are not able to sing and think at the same time? If you don't want to or can't sing out loud, then sing in your head.

• Repeating mantras like "This too shall pass" or "My thoughts are temporary" also helps in reducing their power.

• Count the numbers backwards, for example starting with 49, again our brain can't think about 2 think at the same time.

3. Introduction of new rituals/habits

Of course, in the beginning, the mind is like a horse let out of the stable. In agitation, it runs, kicks and lunges this way and that. Eventually, the horse will naturally calm down and start eating grass. It's the same with the minds, if you don't pay attention to them, they just swim away. This process requires patience and persistence.

Try this:

• Put a hairband on your wrist and if a nagging thought occurs, stretch the rubber band to make yourself aware that you have engaged that thought. Then gently redirect your attention to the present moment, away from the intrusive thought.

It is not possible to stop intrusive thoughts by our will, but through practice we can make the intrusive sticky thoughts not overwhelm us, create distance from these thoughts, which will bring more peace and clarity in the mind and consequently logical action.

And remember, a thought only has as much power as you give it. It's just a sentence in your mind and doesn't necessarily reflect reality anything about you or your true character.

Silvia Stoli Mindset Coaching